Reflections

  Quick post today.  I am actually pretty busy at work today.  I came in late because of a doctor's appointment and I have a meeting at 3:00, so not much time to blog.

   Today is the 5 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death.  It is a shame what came of his life because he was a fabulous musician.  I started thinking about how different things were in my life 5 years ago.  5 years ago I was visiting my sister in Ohio with the kids and still married to the ex.  It was the week I got my first tattoo and we were preparing to move to Bentonville, Arkansas.  It also was around the time I really started analyzing my marriage.  Things were not going well and I am normally not a throw in the towel person, but I was at a loss of what to do.  Counseling was not an option because ex hubby would not go with me or even alone.  We were growing apart and it was starting to negatively effect the kids.  Divorce is not an easy decision to come to.  Unless you have been in that situation, you really cannot understand.  One of the hardest things to come to terms with  was the fear of failure.  I had been married and divorced before(he had a small habit of hitting me) so this would mean number 2 for me.  But, I am concerned for me and the well being of my children, period.  The divorce was hard on the kids as we moved 3 hours away to Little Rock and he stayed in Bentonville to work.  I had resigned the fact that I was also going to be alone for the rest of my life as I could not imagine anyone I would want to be in my life as well as my kids that would be good enough.  I was completely fine with this.  I was basically a single mom, for the most part, and knew I could do it on my own.  I am not an advocate of divorce, but staying in something that makes you miserable and your kids is not healthy for anyone.  So, work it out or get out.  So today, I have been in a reflective kind of mood.  Looking back on the good and the bad and realizing how very lucky I am that the good in my life far outweighs the bad.  My prayer is that you can say the same thing.  If you are struggling with this, make a list of all the good.  Even the little things like, I love my bed.  I have a great cat.  My hair looks fabulous today.  Start small and build  up.  I promise, your bad will outweigh the good.

Have a great day and count blessings!!!

Hugs